I'm really hard on myself. Maybe if I write that I'll make an effort to change it, cos I really should.
At the beginning of 2017, I started keeping a wee journal and in it I would write my to-do lists, goals, wishlists, and daily achievements. I started writing down the things that I should be proud of myself for, no matter how tiny they were, so I could look back at them when I was feeling crappy and think, "goddam girl, you're doing well". For some reason, I stopped doing it a couple months back. I need to get back into it. Truth is, I spend way too much time beating myself up and not enough time celebrating my achievements and I feel like a lot of you can maybe relate to that. For some reason, it's human-nature to focus on the negatives and whilst looking for ways you can improve yourself is hella important, it's just as important to take a moment to think about all the wee ways your killing it at life. Be proud of yourself!
Some of the achievements I wrote down at the start of the year were how I cooked for the first time in ages, made banana bread once a week for a few months consistently (need to get back into that one, banana bread is the best), gradually eased myself back into yoga after a long break, met my boyfriend's best friends, and went to my friend's flat party with a load of people I didn't know. I'm still proud of myself for each and every one of those. I haven't written down my achievements since March but now seems like as good a time as any to get back into the habit. So, me. What have ye achieved lately?
There's one pretty big thing that happened recently; I finished my second year of uni. I'm still waiting for a couple grades and I'm terrified of jinxing it but, fingers crossed, I've passed everything. In all honestly, I wasn't sure I'd make it through 2nd year. I got diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome last August and starting back at uni was a massive shock to the system. The first semester was super rocky and I took quite a lot of time off. I got my first ever extension on an essay and for a while, I thought uni might be too much for me. Looking back now, I'm incredibly proud of myself. The second semester got slightly easier and, although I've definitely had some rough spots, I made it through. If that isn't reason to be proud of myself then I don't know what is.
One thing I know future me will look back on with a mixture of immense pride and sheer panic is a pitch I did last week. Somehow (seriously no clue how I managed it without throwing up on the spot), I pitched an idea for a radio show to industry professionals from the BBC and STV. That genuinely happened. Had to wear a blazer and everything. I'm proud of myself for that.
On a smaller scale but still something to be super proud of, I've been looking after myself. I've been doing yoga a few times a week for months now (even treated myself to a new yoga mat), drinking more than I ever have before, and I can't remember the last day I didn't manage three meals. Self-care is something to make a priority and if you've managed to make it one, be proud of yourself.
Going super small scale, I went to the doctors by myself for the first time ever a month or so ago. I used to faint every time I stepped foot in the place so, in a weird way, that's the biggest achievement of all. Go me.
Celebrate the wee things, be proud of yourself, and fill your thoughts with positive vibes and self-assurance. You're doing great, I know it.
Catriona xo